Their eyes were holden that they should not know him

According to the New Testament, Jesus' closest friends didn't recognize him after the resurrection. John tells us (in 20:14) that Mary Magdalene, a woman Jesus had a questionable past with, looked right at him but didn't know who he was. In Mark 16:12, two of Jesus' disciples didn't recognize him because he "appeared in another form." And according to Luke 24:16, their eyes were "holden" so they wouldn't know him.

Assuming there was ever a historic Jesus and that the Gospels were even loosely based on actual events (which I greatly doubt), I think there is a much simpler explanation. Maybe it wasn't him at all! Maybe the disciples didn't recognize him because it wasn't the same dude! Maybe they wanted so much to believe that he had risen, that they voted in a new Messiah.

"Sure, he looks different and walks with a limp, but he knows all the scriptures and what a great story this will make! He rose from the dead! Praise the Lord!"

What do you think?

John 20:14 And when she [Mary Magdalene] had thus said, she turned herself back, and saw Jesus standing, and knew not that it was Jesus.

Mark 16:12 After that he appeared in another form unto two of them, as they walked, and went into the country.

Luke 24:16 But their eyes were holden that they should not know him.

Spreading the "Good News"

When Christians say things like, "Jesus loves you" or "God has a plan for your life" they assume people appreciate it. To me, it's like saying, "The Easter Bunny loves you." Well, actually, it's worse than that. If someone over the age of ten said that, I would just assume it was a joke.

But when someone tells me Jesus loves me, it's insulting! Why would I care if some mythical figure (or possibly an actual historic human) loves me? For that matter, why would I care if any random person alive or dead loves me? It's like they assume I'm so lonely, hopeless, and unhappy that I would find comfort in knowing that their invisible friend cares about me.

And when they say that their God has a plan for my life, that's even worse! What makes them think I want to live my life by anyone's plan but my own? God's plan for them obviously includes standing on the street corner or knocking on doors telling people about it. That doesn't sound like a great plan to me. I think I'll just stick with my own.

If someone shows up at church and wants to know what God and Jesus think of them, by all means, they should be told. But when I'm sitting in my living room or walking around town, I don't want to hear it. And I think many people (religious and non-religious alike) would agree.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands

I don't understand how any modern woman can buy into the teachings of the Bible. It's so obvious, the book was written by men; specifically men who believed that women were inferior. And I'm not even talking about the Old Testament here. This one is from Ephesians:

5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
5:23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
5:24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Yeah, I know it goes on to say that men should love their wives even as Christ loved the church, but love is not equality. You can love your pet or your big screen TV, but you don't think of them as equals.

Here are a few more from the New Testament:

1 Corinthians 11:3

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 14:34-36

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

Colossians 3:18

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

1 Timothy 2:11-15

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing.

1 Peter 3:1

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.

(See The Skeptic's Annotated Bible for more examples)

Atheist Thought of the Day 3/16/2009

Take my virgin daughters, please!

Here's a nice little Bible story for the kids. In Genesis 19:8, Lot protects some of God's angels by offering his "virgin" daughters to the men of Sodom instead.

"I have two daughters which have not known man; let me, I pray you, bring them out unto you, and do ye to them as is good in your eyes."

This is a horrible story! Can you imagine a father doing such a thing? Actually, Lot was lying about the virgin part. According to Genesis 19:14, they were both married.

A little later, in Genesis 19:32, Lot's "virgin daughters" get him drunk and seduce him. See my comic from April 2007 The "just and righteous" Lot.


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For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth and scourgeth...

When I was a child, I was taught that the bible-god was loving and caring. All the stories I heard in church and in Sunday School seemed to prove this. But when I got a little older and started reading the Bible myself, I found him to be a very different "person."

The god described in the Old Testament is angry, vindictive, jealous, and has a lot of other negative human emotions that I would never have attributed to the "God" of my childhood. He reminded me of other gods I had learned about from Greek and Egyptian mythology.

To me, it was obvious that it was all a farce, that the bible-god was created by men to control other men. I mean, why would the creator of the universe be so "human"? Why would he make mistakes and regret things and change his mind and torture and kill those who wouldn't worship him?

And then I thought, even if he were real, why would anyone want to worship such a sadistic bastard? He was like some crazy, angry, old man who would throw temper tantrums when things didn't go his way. The difference was, he had super powers and could hurt and kill people with a single word. I thought, if my family knew a man like this, they would never let me go near him!

And that was when I became an Atheist...

Rules are Rules

When confronted with ridiculous Bible rules, Christians often respond the same way, "That was the Old Testament. Those laws are no longer valid." Well, here's a little story from the New Testament that disproves their claim.

In Matthew, chapter 15, Jesus is criticized by the Pharisees for not washing his hands before eating. He defends himself by attacking them for not killing disobedient children according to the rule: "He that curseth his father or mother, shall be surely put to death." (Exodus 21:17, Leviticus 20:9, Deuteronomy 21:18-21)

So, is that rule still valid or not? How do Christians reconcile their unwillingness to kill their own children for cursing them, with their insistence that the Bible is the inerrant word of God?

Deuteronomy explains it like this:

21:18 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother, and that, when they have chastened him, will not hearken unto them:
21:19 Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city, and unto the gate of his place;
21:20 And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard.
21:21 And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die: so shalt thou put evil away from among you; and all shall hear, and fear.

Pretty clear, huh?

Teaching Christian Morals at the Office

Do you have a guy like this at work?

Many Christians feel the need to save the rest of the world, whether we like it or not. Why can't they just leave us alone?

Scientific Breakthroughs from the Bible (Part III)

The Bible describes a flat, circular Earth sitting on pillars, with a dome over it, which contained the Sun, the Moon, and the stars. God lived in and on the dome. The Moon made its own light and the stars were just smaller lights in the night sky. The Earth was the center of everything. It remained still, while the Sun, Moon, and stars moved over it.

Of course this is probably what everyone believed around the time the Bible was written, but wouldn’t the creator of the universe, an omniscient god, know better?

Here are some verses that illustrate the Bible authors’ obvious ignorance about these things:

Genesis 1:16 And God made two great lights; the greater light to rule the day, and the lesser light to rule the night: he made the stars also.

1 Samuel 2:8 … for the pillars of the earth are the LORD's, and he hath set the world upon them.

1 Chronicles 16:30 Fear before him, all the earth: the world also shall be stable, that it be not moved.

Job 9:6 Which shaketh the earth out of her place, and the pillars thereof tremble.

Isaiah 13:10 For the stars of heaven and the constellations thereof shall not give their light: the sun shall be darkened in his going forth, and the moon shall not cause her light to shine.

Isaiah 40:22 It is he that sitteth upon the circle of the earth, and the inhabitants thereof are as grasshoppers; that stretcheth out the heavens as a curtain, and spreadeth them out as a tent to dwell in:

Daniel 4:10 Thus were the visions of mine head in my bed; I saw, and behold a tree in the midst of the earth, and the height thereof was great.
Daniel 4:11 The tree grew, and was strong, and the height thereof reached unto heaven, and the sight thereof to the end of all the earth:

Daniel 4:20 The tree that thou sawest, which grew, and was strong, whose height reached unto the heaven, and the sight thereof to all the earth;

Matthew 4:8 Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;

NOTE: This last verse demonstrates that Matthew thought one could see the entire Earth from the top of a mountain. This could only be true on a flat earth.

Teach Both Theories

War on Christmas?

In 2005, Bill O'Reilly declared there was a "War On Christmas" because retailers were posting signs that said, "Happy Holidays" or "Season's Greetings" instead of "Merry Christmas." Of course, the stores were simply trying to appeal to all Americans instead of a single group, in hopes that everyone would buy more stuff during the holiday shopping season. But Uncle Bill and his followers proceeded to blacklist retailers and anyone else who didn't cave in to the media pressure.

Now, three years later, Bill is pushing, "We Say Merry Christmas" bumper stickers (free with a purchase of $19.95 or more from his website), The Liberty Council and Focus on the Family have posted "Naughty or Nice" lists, identifying retailers who mention (or don't mention) the word "Christmas" in their ads, and there has been a major backlash by religious groups (and individuals) about recent billboards and signs posted by various groups.

When are Bill and the others going to realize that this is not a war on Christmas? Rather, it's an effort to include everyone, regardless of their beliefs, in the celebration of the season. Whether you celebrate The Winter Solstice, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or whatever, you should have the right, in a free country, to celebrate and to be acknowledged without exclusion or discrimination.

I mean, we're bombarded with Christmas messages even though most non-Christians know that it was originally a pagan holiday. You don't see non-Christian groups boycotting, having signs removed, etc. (that I know of). People of all faiths (and no faith) should be able to enjoy gift giving, family gatherings, and private and public celebrations without being demonized. And retailers should be able to advertise to the general public without being deemed "naughty".

What's really funny is the worst promotions against Christmas come from self-proclaimed Christians. See Fred Phelps's "Santa Clause will take you to Hell" promotion as a prime example.

How's that for a "War on Christmas?"


Other References:

Liberty Council Naughty/Nice List

Focus on the Family puts retailers on Christmas naughty, nice list

Atheist sign joins nativity scene, tree at Capitol

Missing atheist sign found in Washington state

"Imagine No Religion" Billboard Visits Canton, Ohio This Month!

American Humanist Association Puts Atheist Ads on D.C. Buses

Don't believe in God? You are not alone.

Religious Billboards

You can't swing a dead cat in many US cities without hitting a religious billboard. But when the Freedom From Religion Foundation put one up that simply said, "Imagine No Religion",


Christians went crazy! The sign company received so many calls from people who were "offended" that they took the sign down. And when The Colorado Coalition of Reason put this one up


the religious press had a field day.

So why are they so offended? What are they worried about? If churches all over the country can post hell threats and cutesy little "What part of 'Thou Shalt" don't you understand" signs, why can't a non-religious group post something as non-threatening as these signs?

The answer can only be that religious people realize their belief system is so fragile, so delicate, that anything that provokes thought and reason will likely change the minds of some of their flock. Or worse, these insidious non-believers could create a change in society as a whole that would make their ancient mythological beliefs completely and utterly obsolete.

Now wouldn't that be something?

Leviticus General Hospital

I know I've done this one to death (excuse the pun), but I just love Leviticus!

Noah's "Arc" :Genesis 9:20

I love finding obscure Bible stories the kids never hear in Sunday School. Here's a nice little tale about one of the Bible-God's favorite people, Noah.

Apparently, after the whole ark thing was over, Noah planted a vineyard so he could get drunk whenever he wanted. One day, he got so drunk he fell asleep naked in his tent. When his son, Ham, wandered in and saw Noah's "nakedness", Noah got pissed off. Genesis 9:24 says, "And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him." I'm not sure what Ham did, but it sounds like Noah was mad because Ham didn't cover his eyes.

So in retaliation Noah cursed Ham's son, Canaan, to be "a servant of servants." In fact, Canaan (Noah's grandson) would become a servant to Noah's other son, Shem, because of what his father did (or didn't do).

It's very complicated and it really makes you wonder what the fuck kind of message the author of this story was trying to convey. Is there a moral here? Don't look at your father's dick or your kids will be made into slaves? Is that it? Great lesson! I'm sure glad God Almighty, the creator of the universe got that one out to us!

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That was the Old Testament...

Evangelical leader James Dobson said, yesterday, that Obama was "distorting the Bible" when he made the following statements in a speech:

Obama asked, "Which passages of scripture should guide our public policy? Should we go with Leviticus, which suggests slavery is OK and that eating shellfish is an abomination? Or we could go with Deuteronomy, which suggests stoning your child if he strays from the faith? Or should we just stick to the Sermon on the Mount?"

Dobson said, "I think he's deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own world view, his own confused theology," adding that Obama is "dragging biblical understanding through the gutter." He went on to say that Obama should not be referencing "antiquated dietary codes and passages from the Old Testament that are no longer relevant to the teachings of the New Testament."

Isn't this typical? It's okay for Dobson and other Christians to distort the Bible to fit their world view; for example calling certain parts "antiquated" and "no longer relevant" while claiming other parts are still completely relevant. I wonder who decides which is which...

In my world view, the entire book is antiquated and irrelevant!

I especially like the phrase "traditional understanding of the Bible." I guess that means don't use your own mind (or reason) to figure out what it says or means. Just ask Uncle Jimmy. He'll set you straight on the "real" meaning. After all, we're all too stupid to figure out what the sky-daddy was talking about. Right?

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Evangelical Manifesto

This is hilarious! Christian scholars and theologians are releasing a manifesto today to "take back" the term Evangelical from the politicians. Apparently, it's starting to have a negative connotation in the world of politics. I wonder why?

USA Today says in Manifesto aims to make 'evangelical' less political:

"Evangelical" has been widely used to refer to Christians who have conservative political views, but the Evangelical Theological Society requires members to agree on just two points: inerrancy of Scripture, and belief in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit as "separate but equal in attributes and glory" and essential for salvation.

This really makes me laugh because if "Scripture" is nothing else it is errant. In fact that's exactly what this blog is all about. And don't even get me started on the "holy trinity"... Ha!

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National Day of Prayer

Tomorrow, May 1st, is being promoted by Christians as the National Day of Prayer. So they all get together and pray for... what? It's hard to believe that nobody has ever prayed to end the war or feed all of the starving children or end poverty or rid the world of all suffering, etc. And if they have (and they surely have) and we still have all of these things (and we certainly do), then how the hell can they still believe prayer works?

It's the same old thing. The Bible-God just can't lose! If Christians pray for something and they get it, they thank him for answering their prayers. And if the thing they prayed for doesn't happen, they excuse him with something like, "It wasn't God's will" or "God has his reasons." (I wonder what his reasons could be for allowing innocent children to suffer through sexual and physical abuse, starving, and disease.)

And if their god is going to do whatever the hell he wants to do anyway, then why the hell pray in the first place?

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April Fools!

Many of the stories in the Bible are so preposterous, even a child should see through the bullshit. But thousands of years later, fools continue to believe. When will the insanity end?

Happy April Fools' Day, everyone!

A Woman's Place...

One of my employees, who happens to be a young Christian woman, said today that she would never vote for Hillary Clinton because she is a woman and the Bible says that women should not be leaders.

"That's a man's job," she said.

I asked her where it says that in the Bible and she didn't know. She just knows that it's in there and she knows that God intended women to be submissive to men.

I wanted to rant and rave and fire her ass for being so fucking stupid! But I realized that it's not her fault. I pity her because she is a young, attractive, intelligent woman who has been indoctrinated all of her life and accepts that she could never be equal to a man. It's really sad!

And the fact is she's right about the Bible. It does say that:

1 Timothy 2:12 But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence.

It's a shame that, in this day and age, young women are still limiting themselves because of this horrible, antiquated book that was obviously written by men! Makes me fucking sick!!!

Here’s some more female denigration from the Bible:

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

1 Corinthians 11:8 For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

1 Corinthians 11:9 Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

1 Corinthians 14:34 Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law.

1 Corinthians 14:35 And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.

1 Timothy 2:11 Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.

1 Timothy 2:13 For Adam was first formed, then Eve.

1 Timothy 2:14 And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Also see Women in the Bible from The Skeptics Annotated Bible for many more examples.

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Scientific Breakthroughs from the Bible (Part II)

The book of Revelation includes so many ridiculous and horrible prophesies, it's obvious that "St. John" was either consciously trying to scare people into submission or he was on some kind of psychedelic substance; or both.

To me, one of his most revealing claims is that the stars will fall to the earth. Of course at the time of his writing, people didn't know just how big and far away the stars really are. To them, they were just little lights in the sky. But if his "visions" where really coming from an omniscient god, wouldn't he have known?

Here are the verses in question:

Revelation 6:13 And the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind.

Revelation 8:10 And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters;

Revelation 9:1 And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key of the bottomless pit.

Revelation 12:4 And his tail drew the third part of the stars of heaven, and did cast them to the earth: and the dragon stood before the woman which was ready to be delivered, for to devour her child as soon as it was born.

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Happy Friday!

TZIF! Thank Zeus it's Friday! If christians can thank a mythical god for good things that happen and things that are inevitable (like Fridays), why can't Atheists do the same?

I think the christian god has had exclusive rights to Fridays for too long! It's time to dethrone him! So before some christian can recite their TGIF tag line, why not throw them a curve ball by thanking some other mythical character? I find it really freaks them out and often prompts some very interesting conversations...

Happy Friday, everyone!

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Scientific Breakthroughs from the Bible (Part I)

Today's comic was inspired by a recent comment (to my last comic) on Ex-Christian.net. A christian poster made the statement, "There is much science in the Bible". To which, several ex-christian posters responded with various examples of scientific errors in the bible.

"... talking snakes and donkeys", "...riding chariots of fire into heaven", "...holding up a striped staff to copulating goats so they have striped kids", "... the classification of bats as birds", "Floating axe heads", "Walking on water", "Raising the dead", "Commanding the sun to stand still", "creation story", "firmament", etc.

The christian then posted links to websites that actually claim dinosaurs were mentioned in the book of Job and that they lived alongside humans! This is so preposterous that I can only laugh to keep from crying. I guess years of scientific discoveries and fossil evidence mean nothing!

Christians never cease to amaze me with their ability to live in a world so influenced (and enhanced) by science, and enjoy all of the modern conveniences of life that science has made possible, but at the same time reject science when it conflicts with what their ancient "holy book" says.

Teflon Deity

In the wake of the tornadoes that recently ravaged the Southern US, I am once again amazed by the ability of Christians to justify and excuse their god for the evil in the world and praise him for the things that turn out positive. What's worse, they sometimes claim that their "omnipotent" god is not even responsible for the bad things!

"Thirteen were killed in Arkansas, seven in Kentucky, and five were killed in Alabama where some 500 homes were also destroyed. Tennessee was the hardest hit, with 34 killed and 230 citizens still unaccounted for in the poor, farming areas of Macon County near the Kentucky border."

Today's comic was inspired by a report on NPR, in the aftermath of the tornadoes. A woman being interviewed had survived (not in very good shape, mind you) her mobile home being destroyed around her. When the interviewer asked why she thinks she survived, she said, "God must have a plan for me." The very next question was about her husband who was killed in the storm. She replied, "Jesus took him home."

And that reminded me of a conversation I had with a christian friend right after hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans a few years ago. I asked, "How can your god kill and injure so many innocent people?" Her reply was, "You can't blame God for the weather."

Unbelievable!

Genesis 7:4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.

Deuteronomy 11:17 And [then] the LORD'S wrath be kindled against you, and he shut up the heaven, that there be no rain, and that the land yield not her fruit; and [lest] ye perish quickly from off the good land which the LORD giveth you.

Deuteronomy 28:24 The LORD shall make the rain of thy land powder and dust: from heaven shall it come down upon thee, until thou be destroyed.

1 Samuel 12:18 So Samuel called unto the LORD; and the LORD sent thunder and rain that day: and all the people greatly feared the LORD and Samuel.

Nahum 1:3 The LORD [is] slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit [the wicked]: the LORD hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds [are] the dust of his feet.

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Once a Baby-Killer...

For some reason, pro-life Christians think their God is against abortion and baby-killing. I don't get it! There are lots of examples to the contrary in the Bible. I mean, who has killed more babies than the Christian God? Have you read these passages?

Hosea 13:16 Samaria shall become desolate; for she hath rebelled against her God: they shall fall by the sword: their infants shall be dashed in pieces, and their women with child shall be ripped up.

Exodus 12:29 "And it came to pass, that at midnight the LORD smote all the firstborn in the land of Egypt..."

2 Samuel 12:14 Howbeit, because by this deed thou hast given great occasion to the enemies of the LORD to blaspheme, the child also that is born unto thee shall surely die.

Isaiah 13:16 Their children also shall be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses shall be spoiled, and their wives ravished.

Isaiah 13:18 Their bows also shall dash the young men to pieces; and they shall have no pity on the fruit of the womb; their eyes shall not spare children.

Isaiah 14:21 Prepare slaughter for his children for the iniquity of their fathers; that they do not rise, nor possess the land, nor fill the face of the world with cities.

Numbers 31:17 Now therefore kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman that hath known man by lying with him.

I ask you... How can Christians carry that book around and swear by it's contents, but have absolutely no fucking idea what it says? Amazing!!!

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On the off chance Huckabee wins...

I've been thinking about what would happen if Mike Huckabee won the Presidency and really did change the Constitution to "God's Laws". One thing for sure, the rock business would get a big boost!

According to the Bible, God prescribes stoning for all kinds of offenses. Here are a few examples: (I actually copied this list from one of my favorite Atheist resources called, Dwindling In Unbelief. I hope Steve doesn't mind.)

1.	For touching Mount Sinai	Exodus 19:13
2.	For taking "accursed things"	Joshua 7:1-26
3.	For cursing or blaspheming	Leviticus 24:16
4.	For adultery (including urban rape victims who fail to scream loud enough)	Deuteronomy 22:23-24
5.	For animals (like an ox that gores a human)	Exodus 21:28
6.	For a woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night	Deuteronomy 22:13-21
7.	For worshipping other gods	Deuteronomy 17:2-5
8.	For preaching the wrong religion	Deuteronomy 13:5-10
9.	For disobeying parents	Deuteronomy 21:18-21
10.	For witches and wizards	Leviticus 20:27
11.	For giving your children to Molech	Leviticus 20:2
12.	For breaking the Sabbath	Numbers 15:32-56
13.	For cursing the king	1 Kings 21:10

One Nation Under Huck

Mike Huckabee is a moron, but didn't he just say what the religious right has been thinking for years? They repeat in the media and in churches all over America that "we are a Christian nation," but they must know it's not true. Why else would they have to amend the Constitution?

It amazes me how many people born in the 1960s and later don't know that Eisenhower added "In God We Trust" to our money and "Under God" to our pledge. They just assume it's always been there. Heck, I'm in my 40s and I didn't know it until I broke away form the Christian cult and started reading history. Why don't they teach that in grade school?

I'm actually glad Huckabee showed his hand. It's about time the American people see the evangelicals for what they really are, a cult of power hungry control-freaks who want to impose their own sick belief system on the rest of the country and set civilization back about 2000 years!

I'm God, BEOCH!!!

Attention Christians: Which God do you believe in? The one they talk about in church or the God described in the Bible? Many of you would be surprised to learn that they are not the same.
The God most Christians envision is a loving, caring, father-figure type of guy who is up in heaven watching over them and looking out for them. This is a far cry from the God of the Bible who rules by fear, kills anyone who rejects him, orders his followers to kill others, and demands worship.

Fear of God is mentioned often in the Bible. Here are some excerpts (found in your King James Bible and The Skeptic's Annotated Bible).

Updated: To save space, I cut the long list of Bible verses from this post. Instead, please see this link Should we fear God?

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More Bible Jeopardy!

There are so many inconsistencies and contradictions in the Bible, how can anyone take it seriously? Here's a nice example. What were Jesus' last words? Three books in the New Testament have three different answers.

Matthew 27:46 And about the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Luke 23:46 And when Jesus had cried with a loud voice, he said, Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit: and having said thus, he gave up the ghost.

John 19:30 When Jesus therefore had received the vinegar, he said, It is finished: and he bowed his head, and gave up the ghost.

It's as if none of the New Testament authors were actually there (ha ha)...

For many more Bible contradictions, see the Skeptics Annotated Bible!

Genesis Family Values

According to Christians, the story of Abraham and Isaac (from Genesis chapter 22) is a testament to Abraham's great love for God.

Basically, God ordered Abraham to kill his son, Isaac, and present him as a "Burnt Offering." So Abraham ties Isaac to a wooden alter (as instructed) and, knife in hand, gets ready to kill his son. Then, an angel stops him just in time and God let's him kill a ram instead.

What a horrible story!

What kind of "loving" god would order such a thing? It sounds more like something a gang member might have to do to prove his loyalty.

And what kind of father was Abraham? He was willing to kill his son in cold blood and burn him, without protest or even questioning God.

The real answer lies in verse 12. The angel says, "now I know that thou fearest God." The story is not about love, but fear! Like most of the Old Testamentt, the story is designed to scare people into submission to "Almighty God."

And what about poor Isaac? How fucked up would that kid be after his father tied him to an alter and raised a knife to kill him? I'm sure God kicked in for the therapy bills...

Here are the key passages:

Genesis 22:1 And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.

22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

22:6 And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering, and laid it upon Isaac his son; and he took the fire in his hand, and a knife; and they went both of them together.

22:9 And they came to the place which God had told him of; and Abraham built an altar there, and laid the wood in order, and bound Isaac his son, and laid him on the altar upon the wood.

22:10 And Abraham stretched forth his hand, and took the knife to slay his son.

22:11 And the angel of the LORD called unto him out of heaven, and said, Abraham, Abraham: and he said, Here am I.

22:12 And he said, Lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou any thing unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.

Happy Holidays!

I think we should tell kids the truth about God and Jesus at a very young age, but let them believe in Santa a little longer. He's a much better role model for kids! He's never smited anyone, killed any babies, wiped out every living thing on the planet, ordered people stoned to death, or any of that nonsense. He doesn't want to be worshiped, doesn't demand animal or human sacrifice, doesn't care if we're circumcised, and as far as I know he's never sent a single soul to Hell.

Let's put Santa back in xmas!

Happy Holidays!

Headline: God orders bears to kill mocking children. Film at 11:00

Today’s comic was inspired by The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses on Cracked.com. Check it out, it's hilarious!

Anyway, Badass verse #8 refers to 2 Kings chapter 2, verses 23-24; the story of Elisha and the bears.

2 Kings 2:23 And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head.

2 Kings 2:24 And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

I wonder why they don’t teach this story in Sunday school…

This I Believe!

It amazes me that so many otherwise intelligent people, who use reason in every other aspect of their lives, can believe the Christian dogma.

People who would never believe anything even remotely as far-fetched, somehow believe.

People who question the things they hear, see, and read everyday—and require concrete proof before making a judgment or decision—still somehow believe.

How can this be?

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Double Standard

Just a comic today, folks...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Every child in America knows the Thanksgiving story featuring the Pilgrims, who gave thanks to God and shared their bounty with the Indians on Plymouth Rock. What we don't teach them is how their beloved Pilgrims enslaved and murdered the indigenous people, brought disease and destruction to this land, and claimed ownership of everything in site; all in the name of God.

The Pilgrims were convinced they were "Ordained by God" to take possession of everything on the continent. In fact, they often sighted Bible verses to justify their horrible and murderous acts, such as:

Psalms 2:8. "Ask of me, and I shall give thee, the heathen for thine inheritance, and the uttermost parts of the earth for thy possession."

Romans 13:2, "Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation."

Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him: as well the stranger, as he that is born in the land, when he blasphemeth the name of the Lord, shall be put to death.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!!

Technorati Tags: humor Atheist Bible Christianity Comics humor God Leviticus Psalms Romans

Perfect!

I'm so tired of hearing the creationists say that the world is much too complex and perfect for it to have evolved without a creator.

Their favorite example is the human eye. First they say it's perfect, which begs the question: Why do so many people need glasses to see?

Then they say it's too complex to have evolved because, "Only a complete eye is useful." They claim that a partial eye wouldn't do anyone any good at all, so it couldn't have evolved based on its survival benefit.

As Michael Shermer points out in his book, "How We Believe", any form of light detection is better than none--lots of people are visually impaired from disease or injury. Do you think they consider what vision they do have to be better than none at all? I certainly would!

And as Richard Dawkins explains in "The Blind Watchmaker", 5% of an eye is better than no eye at all. Many animals have different levels of light sensitivity and sight. Each one uses that sense to survive.

Technorati Tags: Michael Shermer How We Believe Richard Dawkins The Blind Watchmaker evolution creationists

I believe, Brother!

Christians love to say that America should be a christian nation because our forefathers were christians. Actually most of them were deists. But even if they were christians, is that reason enough for the country to follow their beliefs? After all, they also believed in lots of other antiquated ideas of their time that have since been debunked.

Should we start bloodletting and burning witches again? Should we roll back women's voting rights and reinstate slavery? Some believe we should, I guess, but I think most reasonable people will agree that we shouldn't run our country based on the ignorance of our ancestors just because they did some pretty amazing things when they formed this country.

Can't we follow the principles that still make sense today without turning our backs on rationality?


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Let's play Bible Jeopardy!!!

Christians like to depict their god as kind and loving. But Jeremiah obviously knew a different side of this wonderful, benevolent deity. The god Jeremiah wrote about was angry, vengeful, bitter, and downright ruthless! Here are some highlights:

11:11 Therefore thus saith the LORD, Behold, I will bring evil upon them, which they shall not be able to escape; and though they shall cry unto me, I will not hearken unto them.

11:14 Therefore pray not thou for this people, neither lift up a cry or prayer for them: for I will not hear them in the time that they cry unto me for their trouble.

15:3 And I will appoint over them four kinds, saith the LORD: the sword to slay, and the dogs to tear, and the fowls of the heaven, and the beasts of the earth, to devour and destroy.

15:14 And I will make thee to pass with thine enemies into a land which thou knowest not: for a fire is kindled in mine anger, which shall burn upon you.

19:3 And say, Hear ye the word of the LORD, O kings of Judah, and inhabitants of Jerusalem; Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel; Behold, I will bring evil upon this place, the which whosoever heareth, his ears shall tingle.

19:7 And I will make void the counsel of Judah and Jerusalem in this place; and I will cause them to fall by the sword before their enemies, and by the hands of them that seek their lives: and their carcases will I give to be meat for the fowls of the heaven, and for the beasts of the earth.

19:9 And I will cause them to eat the flesh of their sons and the flesh of their daughters, and they shall eat every one the flesh of his friend in the siege and straitness, wherewith their enemies, and they that seek their lives, shall straiten them.

21:6 And I will smite the inhabitants of this city, both man and beast: they shall die of a great pestilence.

51:20 Thou art my battle axe and weapons of war: for with thee will I break in pieces the nations, and with thee will I destroy kingdoms;

51:21 And with thee will I break in pieces the horse and his rider; and with thee will I break in pieces the chariot and his rider;

51:22 With thee also will I break in pieces man and woman; and with thee will I break in pieces old and young; and with thee will I break in pieces the young man and the maid;

51:23 I will also break in pieces with thee the shepherd and his flock; and with thee will I break in pieces the husbandman and his yoke of oxen; and with thee will I break in pieces captains and rulers.


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Sticks & Stones will break your bones

Here's a nice little Bible story for the kids. (Numbers 15:32-36) While the children of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on the sabbath day. They brought him to Moses who asked God what they should do with him. God said the congregation should stone the man to death. So they did as the Lord commanded.

So, apparently, the penalty for breaking the sabbath is death. In fact, the rule is spelled out in Exodus:

Exodus 31:15 Six days may work be done; but in the seventh is the sabbath of rest, holy to the LORD: whosoever doeth any work in the sabbath day, he shall surely be put to death.

And for the Christian apologists who claim that the New Testament waived the requirement that those who break the sabbath should be killed, here are the next two verses:

Exodus 31:16 Wherefore the children of Israel shall keep the sabbath, to observe the sabbath throughout their generations, for a perpetual covenant.

Exodus 31:17 It is a sign between me and the children of Israel for ever: for in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, and on the seventh day he rested, and was refreshed.

Don't "perpetual" and "for ever" mean forever? Or did eternity end when the NT was written? And if it does mean forever, why aren't Christians stoning each other in the streets?

It's an abomination! (For more on abominations, see my last post.)

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Abomination unto the LORD

Christians love to quote Leviticus 18:22 to justify their hatred toward homosexuals. It says, "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination."

But why do they focus so much attention on this one abomination when the Bible is chock full of them?

I don't see anyone getting all upset about women wearing pants. According to Deuteronomy 22:5, that's an abomination too. Where are the laws about that? Why is it still legal for women who wear pants to get married in America? Now that's an abomination! ;-)

Here are a few more things God says are abominations:

Graven images of gods (Deuteronomy 7:25)
Men who make any graven or molten image (Deuteronomy 27:15)
Sacrificing blemished or evilflavored sheep to God (Deuteronomy 7:1)
Wizards, witches, and people who speak to the dead (Deuteronomy 18:10-12)
Whores (Deuteronomy 23:17-18)
A woman who returns to her husband after he has sent her away (Deuteronomy 24:4)
Two sets of weights and measures (Proverbs 20:10)
A false balance (Proverbs 20:23)
The froward (stubbornly disobedient or contrary) (Proverbs 3:32)
Lying lips (Proverbs 12:22)
The sacrifice of the wicked (Proverbs 15:8)
The way of the wicked (Proverbs 15:9)
The thoughts of the wicked (Proverbs 15:26)
The proud of heart (Proverbs 16:5)
Those who justify the wicked or condemn the just (Proverbs 17:15)
That which is highly esteemed among men (Luke 16:15)
Whatsoever hath no fins nor scales in the waters (Leviticus 11:12)
All fowls that creep, going upon all four (Leviticus 11:20)
Every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth (Leviticus 11:41)

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If America Was Really a Christian Theocracy (Part 2)

There are so many contradictions in the Bible, it amazes me that people still have the nerve to quote it in an argument.

For example if you ask the question, "Does God punish children for the sins of their fathers?"

Exodus 20:5, Exodus 34:7, Deuteronomy 5:9, Numbers 14:18, Isaiah 14:21, and others seem to clearly say yes. However, Deuteronomy 24:16, 2 Kings 14:6, and Ezekiel 18:20 say the opposite.

How can such inconsistencies be justified?

Plus, how unfair is it to punish future generations for an individual's actions? This is completely ridiculous!

The worst I've seen is Deuteronomy 23:2, "A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation." Now that's what I call holding a grudge! And is it even the bastard's fault that he's a bastard? No! Why punish him at all?

What a wild and wacky deity that Yahweh is!

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"Servants, obey your Masters." -God

Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate States of America from 1861-1865 said, "[Slavery] was established by decree of Almighty God...it is sanctioned in the Bible, in both Testaments, from Genesis to Revelation...it has existed in all ages, has been found among the people of the highest civilization, and in nations of the highest proficiency in the arts."

It's no wonder Civil War Era Christians used the Bible to justify slavery. The Christian God clearly approved of it. Modern Christians may somehow justify (or choose to ignore) this reality, but it's right there in the Bible; over and over and over.

Here are some examples: Genesis 9:25-27, Genesis 16:8-9, Genesis 17:12-13, Genesis 24:35-36, Genesis 26:12-14, Exodus 12:44, Exodus 20:17, Exodus 21:2-6, Exodus 21:7, Exodus 21:20-21, Exodus 21:26-27, Exodus 21:32, Exodus 22:2-3, Leviticus 19:20, Leviticus 22:11, Leviticus 25:39, Leviticus 25:44-46, Deuteronomy 5:21, Deuteronomy 15:12, Deuteronomy 20:10-11, Deuteronomy 20:14, Joshua 9:23, Luke 12:46-47, Luke 17:7-9, 1 Corinthians 7:21-22, Ephesians 6:5, Colossians 3:22, Colossians 4:1, 1 Timothy 6:1-5, Titus 2:9-10 , 1 Peter 2:18

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God Loves a Good Bar-B-Que

Throughout the Old Testament, God requires animal sacrifice and burnt offerings. Doesn't this seem ridiculous to Christians who claim he's the creator of the universe; an all knowing, all loving God? Why the hell would such a god want his followers to kill and burn animals? Doesn't this just put him on par with other ancient mythological gods? Isn't it obvious that the entire book was meant for a different time? How can modern people still believe this crap?

Anyway, here are a few examples (From SAB):

Genesis 4:4 And Abel, he also brought of the firstlings of his flock and of the fat thereof. And the LORD had respect unto Abel and to his offering.

Genesis 8:20-21 And Noah builded an altar unto the LORD; and took of every clean beast, and of every clean fowl, and offered burnt offerings on the altar. And the Lord smelled a sweet savour.

Genesis 15:9-10 And he [God] said unto him [Abraham], Take me an heifer of three years old, and a she goat of three years old, and a ram of three years old, and a turtledove, and a young pigeon. And he took unto him all these, and divided them in the midst, and laid each piece one against another.

Exodus 20:24 An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee, and I will bless thee.

Exodus 29:11-37 And thou shalt kill the bullock before the LORD....

Leviticus 1:5 And he shall kill the bullock before the LORD.... (See all of Chapters 1 - 9)

Leviticus 23:12-18 And ye shall offer ... an he lamb without blemish of the first year for a burnt offering unto the LORD....

Numbers 18:17 Thou shalt sprinkle their blood upon the altar, and shalt burn their fat for an offering made by fire, for a sweet savour unto the LORD.

Deuteronomy 12:27 And thou shalt offer thy burnt offerings, the flesh and the blood, upon the altar of the LORD thy God: and the blood of thy sacrifices shall be poured out upon the altar of the LORD thy God, and thou shalt eat the flesh.

If we ate according to "God's Word"

In Leviticus Chapter 11, God gives Moses a list of the animals we should eat and tells him which ones we shouldn't even touch. It's hilarious! Here's the short list:

We can eat "Whatsoever parteth the hoof, and is clovenfooted, and cheweth the cud," plus fish, locusts, beetles, and grasshoppers. (That's nice.)

We shouldn't eat pigs, rabbits, shellfish, anything that crawls on it's belly; plus strange animals like fowl with four feet and insects with four feet. (Maybe God needs a biology lesson.)

Anyway, I find it difficult to believe that the "creator of the universe" is so concerned with which animals we should eat. I also wonder how many Christians actually follow these rules. I grew up in the south and I've seen my share of church sponsored pig roasts, oyster dinners, and crawfish boils.

Bon Appetite!

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I'M HUNGRY AND I WANT MY FIGS NOW!!!

Jesus is such a spoiled brat! In Mark 11:13-20 (also repeated in Matthew 21:19), he sees a fig tree from a distance and decides to see if it has any fruit. But, according to Mark, "the time for the figs was not yet." They were out of season.

Of course Jesus couldn't accept this. How could this arrogant tree deny him figs? So he cursed the tree. "No man eat fruit of thee hereafter for ever." And the tree withered up and died.

Interestingly, in Matthew, the disciples saw the tree wither immediately. But in Mark, they didn't see it until the next day.

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Fuck the Poor, Grab your Oil, and Follow Me...

In the New Testament; Matthew, Mark, and Luke relate a story of Jesus telling a rich man to sell everything he has and give to the poor (Mark 10:21, Luke 18:22, Matthew 19:21).

But in John 12:3-8, Mary Magdalen pours expensive ointment on Jesus and, when one of the disciples asks why he wouldn't rather sell the ointment and give the money to the poor, Jesus says, "For the poor always ye have with you; but me ye have not always."

Christians love to hail Jesus as selfless and giving. This story brings new meaning to the phrase, "What would Jesus do?"

P.S. I threw in the "Follow Me" line just for kicks...

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If America Was Really a Christian Theocracy

The book of Leviticus has a nice little checklist (or hit list) for Christians so they know who they should put to death in God's name. Here are a few lovely examples:

20:9 For every one that curseth his father or his mother shall be surely put to death: he hath cursed his father or his mother; his blood shall be upon him.

20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with another man's wife, even he that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.

20:11 And the man that lieth with his father's wife hath uncovered his father's nakedness: both of them shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

20:12 And if a man lie with his daughter in law, both of them shall surely be put to death: they have wrought confusion; their blood shall be upon them.

20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

20:14 And if a man take a wife and her mother, it is wickedness: they shall be burnt with fire, both he and they; that there be no wickedness among you.

20:15 And if a man lie with a beast, he shall surely be put to death: and ye shall slay the beast.

20:16 And if a woman approach unto any beast, and lie down thereto, thou shalt kill the woman, and the beast: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

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An Unfortunate Transcription Error

The Bible contains so many ridiculous and absurd passages; Christians have to be careful what parts they read. Otherwise, it would be awfully difficult to believe it's the Word of God.

Malachi, Chapter 2 is a good example. In it, God tells the priests that he'll "send a curse upon them", "corrupt [their] seed, and spread dung upon [their] faces". Pretty harsh for a benevolent god, huh?

Falwell, Old Fiend

The Rev. Jerry Falwell, who founded the Moral Majority and built the religious right into a political force, died Tuesday.

Praise the L...

Oops! I got so excited, I almost forgot I was an Atheist!

Newsflash: Kirk Cameron Proves God Exists once and for all!

On May 9th, the members of the Rational Response Squad squared off with Christians Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort about the existence of God. The debate was moderated by Martin Bashir and was posted on ABCNews.com. It also aired on "Nightline".

Poor Kirk Cameron is really out of his league now. It was one thing when Mike Seaver matched wits with his sitcom sister, Carol, on Growing Pains. But he's really over his head trying to debate atheists on intelligent design.

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=3148940&page=1

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished by God

In the Book of Job, God basically bets Satan that he can't turn Job against him. Our "loving" God even gives Satan full power over his faithful servant's life, and the lives of his family, in order to try to sway him. Satan proceeds to kill Job's slaves, his animals, and even his children.

Satan (or maybe God, it's difficult to tell in many of the passages) inflicts Job with all kinds of hardships and pain to the point that Job curses the day he was born. But, since he doesn't curse God directly, God wins and rewards Job with a new family. Wow! What a great (and fair) reward for a lifetime of torture; especially for someone who was a "Perfect and upright man" (in God's own words according to the Bible).

What kind of crazy, mixed up deity would do such a thing to his "children" just to prove a point?

Christians often refer to the Book of Job and point out how faithful and devoted he was and how God rewarded him in the end for being so. But, if you actually read the text, Job never really understands why he was treated that way by God. Poor bastard!

He spilled it on the ground

Genesis 38:8-10 After God killed Er, Judah tells Onan to "go in unto thy brother's wife." But "Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and ... when he went in unto his brother's wife ... he spilled it on the ground.... And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also." This lovely Bible story is seldom read in Sunday School, but it is the basis of many Christian doctrines, including the condemnation of both masturbation and birth control. (Copied from the SAB)

The Leaning Tower of Babel...

In Genesis 11:1-9, God came down to a city where the people were building a tower to Heaven. Apparently he didn't know that they couldn't possibly succeed, because he was worried. His solution was to make them speak different languages and scatter them all over the earth.

I can only assume this was the Bible writer's feeble attempt to explain how there could be so many different languages in the world if we all came from Adam and Eve.

Is anyone really still buying this crap?

I think, therefore I am?

Protect thou privy member

I just doesn't make sense. Why would the one true God be so preoccupied with the penis and circumcision? Here are just a few examples from the Bible:

• Deuteronomy 23:1 He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord.
• Genesis 17:10 This is my covenant, which ye shall keep, between me and you and thy seed after thee; Every man child among you shall be circumcised.
• Genesis 17:11 And ye shall circumcise the flesh of your foreskin; and it shall be a token of the covenant betwixt me and you.
• Genesis 17:14 And the uncircumcised man child whose flesh of his foreskin is not circumcised, that soul shall be cut off from his people; he hath broken my covenant.
• Exodus 4:24-25 The Lord met him, and sought to kill him. Then Zipporah took a sharp stone, and cut off the foreskin of her son, and cast it at his feet, and said, Surely a bloody husband art thou to me.
• Leviticus 12:3 And in the eighth day the flesh of his foreskin shall be circumcised.

The Shepherd leads his sheep...

There are so many contradictions in the Bible, you have to be careful or your kids will figure it out. You just can't go in there willy-nilly and read it yourself! Please ask your preacher which verses are okay to read. Better yet, just listen to the sermon on Sunday and don't try to read (or think) for yourself.

Yours is the Kingdom of Heaven

Why did God create evil in the first place? Why not just create good?

The "just and righteous" Lot

God kills everyone (men, women, children, infants, newborns) in Sodom and Gomorrah by raining "fire and brimstone from heaven." Well, almost everyone -- he spares the "just and righteous" Lot and his family. Afterwards, Lot's daughters scheme to have sex with him.

Everybody Must Get Stoned

For a loving, benevolent God, he sure does have a violent streak.

That's one big fucking boat!

Noah supposedly put two of every animal in the arc. Can anyone really still believe this with what we know about the number of species on the planet?

...into the fire that never shall be quenched

Hey, God. That's a Hell of a way to treat your children!

Who's On First?

There are two contradictory creation stories in Genesis. Please God, pick one and stick with it!

The Bible Tells Me So...

God is real because it says so in the Bible.